Why Does Drake’s House Look Like a Cruise Ship Nightclub?

Sure, during quarantine, the concept of time loses its meaning, but Drake should’ve known better than to show off his Toronto megamansion just two months after Parasite won Best Picture. He might want to check his basement now that his 50,000-square-foot home is on the cover of May’s Architectural Digest. Although we expected no less from the man with a $750,000 “erotic” watch, Drake’s house, which he calls “The Embassy,” looks like every club you went to in your 20s combined into one. Each room is filled with lighting fixtures — neon signs, exposed bulbs, chandeliers, strips, overhead, you name it — making it feel more Royal Caribbean than royal-ty. Black and white marbles tile the floor and walls, while mirrors reflect on the foyer ceiling. Massive, supernova-esque chandeliers highlight gold accents so abundant that “accent” loses all meaning. And neon lights feature like he’s re-creating the Las Vegas strip.

Naturally, Drake has a two-story closet “adorned with amethyst hardware, rock crystal, and seating upholstered in diamond-tufted shearling with polished nickel studs.” A subsection of the closet is dedicated to displaying his infamous collection of Birkin bags saved for his future wife. (But where will she put any clothes?) There’s a recording studio, a basketball court, and an indoor swimming pool. Just one question: What??? Frankly, his house is so big, Parasite’s Ki-taek wouldn’t even need a secret underground bunker to live in – he could just chill in the off-season section of the closet. Does Adonis need an art therapist or something? Just wondering.