You know when you first wake up, so your brain is still scrambling to put two and two together, and you come up with seemingly brilliant ideas like a Cardi …
Read More “Bob Dylan Releases 17-Minute Song About JFK Assassination, Offers No Explanation”
Rihanna will save us all. Too busy being a good citizen to release new music, the singer has donated personal protective equipment to the State of New York to combat …
Read More “Rihanna, Doing the Government’s and God’s Work, Donates Medical Supplies to NY”
There are lots of ways to cope with a self-quarantined existence. You could learn to cook, or do puzzles, or play video games. Or you could break the world speed …
Read More “Britney Spears Is Not Actually Faster Than Usain Bolt”
It was only a matter of time before Ben Gibbard, singer of such anthems of death and doom as “I Will Follow You Into the Dark,” “Transatlanticism,” and “We Will …
Read More “Today’s Cry Is Brought to You by Ben Gibbard’s New Song, ‘Life in Quarantine’”
In this week’s edition of We Regret to Inform You During a Pandemic, the world recently learned that rapper M.I.A. is an anti-vaxxer. The outspoken dance music icon tweeted on …
Read More “M.I.A. Chose the Worst Possible Time to Tell Us She’s an Anti-Vaxxer”
Drake, if you’re reading this, get a job! Stay away from her! Just like every ex you have saved in your phone with the purple devil emoji next to their …
Read More “Drake Found a Way to Annoy Rihanna From Quarantine”
We don’t care who you are or what your credentials are to make a coronavirus hit — you’ve got nothing on the original, the Knack. The New Wave group’s 1979 …
Read More “The Knack Finally Does the ‘My Sharona’ Parody You’ve Been Waiting For”
CVS Bangers Volume Four is music to panic-shop to, down ravaged carpeted aisles that may or may not play host to stray little COVID cells in their synthetic fibers as …
Read More “Honestly? CVS Bangers Is a Necessary Salve in These Stupefying Times”
As the coronavirus has kept us in our homes, celebrities have pivoted to making Content from their weird and wonderful homes, taking us from Patti LuPone’s basement to Madonna’s bathtub …
Read More “Elton John Will Show You Many More Celebrity Living Rooms on Fox Special”
A week is a long time. For a while, I’d forgotten. Time is a blur when there’s people to meet and shows to see and trains and cabs to linger …
Read More “The Internet Is Now the World’s Biggest Music Festival”